Aiming to put the human touch back into information-gathering, Google plans to pull the plug on its popular information-based website on February 1. “Our research shows that people retain information better when they have to physically seek it out in a group setting.” Looks like books are back.
Mexico has allocated 200 million pesos to build a series of human catapults along the U.S./Mexico border. Designed by Carlos and Juanita Vasquez, the winners of a year-long design contest sponsored by the Mexican government, the devices will send riders over the border equipped with parachutes to land safely. The Defense Department has denied reports it is developing supercapacitors to produce force fields to counter the new technology.
Tired of checking your 401(k) balance every ten minutes? Relax. The Wall Street roller coaster ends on February 10, 2019 at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome in New Orleans. If the Bulls win this epic battle, you can party all night on Bourbon Street. If the Bears triumph, you can drown your sorrows on Bourbon Street, then hijack a convenience store and try to survive on the take.
With the new Anticipa card, you’ll never have to shop online again. Because Anticipa anticipates your every need. Using AI, Anticipa tracks down everything you think you might need and orders it for you. Think of how much time you’ll save. Don’t have room for 5-10 packages a day? No prob. Anticipa warehouses it for you…then sends it over when you need it.
Stop shopping. Start living.
Using new facial recognition technology, The National Crime Archives has linked a masked man to an astounding number of unsolved store hold-up cases, some over 20 years old. Asked how one person could have committed similar crimes almost daily from Anchorage to Tallahassee, lead detective H.R. Jones admitted, “We have no f—ing idea.”
A nationwide geologic survey recently revealed that U.S. soils now contain 18% maple syrup. “When my wife Augustine started using tomatoes to sweeten our desserts, I knew something was up,” revealed Iowa farmer, Chuck H. “Guess those Canadians ran out of room for it.”