Fast-Spreading Mu Variant Causing Catlike Symptoms in Thousands
Fast-Spreading Mu Variant Causing Catlike Symptoms in Thousands
Missouri Man’s Mouth Vanishes After Wearing Mask 15 Months
Missouri Man’s Mouth Vanishes After Wearing Mask 15 Months
“I pulled off my N-95 this morning, looked in the mirror, and my mouth was gone,” a Springfield, Missouri carpenter reported today. Forced to communicate with sign language, E. Bakewell explained that he had worn the same mask for 442 straight days. “Should help me cut down on all those Doritos,” he mused, trying to look on the bright side.
Bird Poop Attacks Blind Drivers in 10 U.S. Cities
Bird Poop Attacks Blind Drivers in 10 U.S. Cities
Eco-Extremists Use Sonic Tech to Weaponize Birds
Commuters across America were stunned to see their car windshields coated with falling bird poop yesterday. A group calling itself the “Eye in the Sky” is protesting the nationwide destruction of woodlands and bird preserves. Unnamed sources claim the Pentagon is negotiating with this eco-group to purchase it’s advanced technology
Volcano Spews Nacho Cheese over New Mexico Town
Volcano Spews Nacho Cheese over New Mexico Town
Amazed residents of a northern New Mexico town awoke to find their homes and cars coated with a layer of steaming nacho cheese. “She was due to blow sooner or later,” explained one long-time resident, as flying jalapenos sent many townsfolk ducking for cover. “Guess I’ll be takin’ cheese sandwiches to work for a while.”
Distant Planet Confirms There is Life on Earth
Distant Planet Confirms There is Life on Earth
Alert Radio Tech from Andromeda Galaxy Makes Startling Discovery
After monitoring transmissions for 10 years, Jnzzzzzz Xyqqqqqq, an astronomer from the planet GHNZXD, confirmed there is, indeed, life on earth. “We thought an algorithm was creating Earth’s audio track.” But when we heard that sweet reggae music, we knew a bot could not create that.