Petard is an online publication composed of fictional news and feature articles (We made up every word). It is comprised entirely of satire, parody and humorous content and is for entertainment purposes only (Seriously, do not take anything you read seriously.) Any reference to true facts about individuals and organizations is purely coincidental, except for references to famous people, public figures and public matters, in which case the stories and references about them are intended as satire and entertainment, and not to disparage anyone. (We’re not looking to ruffle anyone’s feathers.)
Petard uses invented names in all of its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Any event described in Petard that actually comes to pass should be considered coincidental, unintentional, and accidental. (And an indication that our staff psychic has some serious skills.)
Petard is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. All of the content in Petard is © 2018 by Petard LLC and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without its express written consent.
Information Collected by Petard
We only collect personal information that is relevant to the purpose of our website. This information allows us to provide you with a customized and efficient experience. We do not process this information in a way that is incompatible with this objective. We collect the following types of information from our Petard users:
1. Information You Provide to Us: We receive and store any information you enter on our website or provide to us in any other way. You can choose not to provide us with certain information, but then you may not be able to take advantage of many of our special features.
2. Automatic Information:
• We receive and store certain types of information whenever you interact with us. Petard and its authorized agents automatically receive and record certain “traffic data” on their server logs from your browser including your IP address, Petard cookie information, and the page you requested. Petard uses this traffic data to help diagnose problems with its servers, analyze trends and administer the website.
• Petard may collect and, on any page, display the total counts that page has been viewed.
• Many companies offer programs that help you to visit websites anonymously. While Petard will not be able to provide you with a personalized experience if we cannot recognize you, we want you to be aware that these programs are available.
Petard is very concerned about your privacy and we will never provide your email address to a third party without your explicit permission, as detailed in the ”Sharing Your Information” section below. Petard may send out e-mails with Petard-related news, products, offers, surveys or promotions.
Cookies are alphanumeric identifiers that we transfer to your computer’s hard drive through your Web browser to enable our systems to recognize your browser and tell us how and when pages in our website are visited and by how many people. Petard cookies do not collect personal information, and we do not combine information collected through cookies with other personal information to tell us who you are or what your screen name or e-mail address is.
We use analytics tools and other third-party technologies, such as Google AdWords, to collect non-personal information in the form of various usage and user metrics when you use our online Sites and/or Services. These tools and technologies collect and analyze certain types of information, including cookies, IP addresses, device and software identifiers, referring and exit URLs, onsite behavior and usage information, feature use metrics and statistics, usage and purchase history, MAC Address, mobile unique device ID, and other similar information.
The third-party analytics companies who collect information on our Sites and/or Services and other online products and/or services may combine the information collected with other information they have independently collected from other websites and/or other online or mobile products and services relating to your activities across their network of websites as well as online and/or mobile products and services. Many of these companies collect and use information under their own privacy policies.
In addition to our use of technologies as described herein, we may permit certain third-party companies to help us tailor advertising that we think may be of interest to you based on your use of Petard Sites and/or Services and to otherwise collect and use data about your use of Petard Sites and/or Services. For more information about this practice, please see the “Online Advertising” section below.
Google has additional information available about their Remarketing Privacy Guidelines, and Restrictions.
We use Google AdWords Remarketing to advertise trigger across the Internet. AdWords remarketing will display relevant ads tailored to you based on what parts of the Petard website you have viewed by placing a cookie on your machine. This cookie does not in any way identify you or give access to your computer. The cookie is used to say “This person visited this page, so show them ads relating to that page.” Google AdWords Remarketing allows us to tailor our marketing to better suit your needs and only display ads that are relevant to you.
If you do not wish to participate in our Google AdWords Remarketing, you can opt by visiting Google’s Ads Preferences Manager.
Sharing Your Information
Rest assured that we neither rent nor sell your personal information to anyone and that we will share your personal information only as described below.
Petard Personnel: Petard personnel and authorized consultants and/or contractors may have access to user information if necessary in the normal course of Petard business.
Business Transfers: In some cases, we may choose to buy or sell assets. In these types of transactions, user information is typically one of the business assets that is transferred. Moreover, if Petard, or substantially all of its assets, were acquired, user information would be one of the assets that is transferred.
Syndication: Petard allows for the RSS syndication of all of its public content within the Petard website.
With Your Consent: Except as noted above, we will contact you when your personal information is shared with third parties or used for a purpose incompatible with the purpose(s) for which it was originally collected, and you will be able to opt out to prevent the sharing of this information.
Conditions of Use
Terms and Conditions
Use of our website
If you have purchased a license, subscription or otherwise entered into an agreement with us (for example as an advertiser on our website) you will also be governed by the terms of that agreement, which shall prevail in the event of a conflict.
The term ‘Petard’ or ‘Petard.news’ or ‘us’ or ‘we’ refers to the owner of the website. The term ‘you’ refers to the user or viewer of our website.
Access to Petard website
We try to ensure that website availability is uninterrupted and that transmissions will be error-free. However, we cannot guarantee that your access will not be suspended or restricted from time to time, including to allow for repairs, maintenance or the introduction of new facilities or services. We of course try to limit the frequency and duration of any suspension or restriction.
Intellectual property rights
The content, layout, design, data, databases and graphics on this website are protected by US and other international intellectual property laws and are owned by Petard or its licensors. Unless expressly permitted in writing in a license agreement or referenced herein relating to Petard and other than printing a small proportion of content or displaying this on your screen, or both, (strictly for your personal non-commercial use), no part of the website may be reproduced, stored in any medium, including but not limited to a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, broadcasting) nor shown in public.
The trademarks and logos which are displayed on the websites are the trademarks of Petard and its licensors. Any use including framing, meta tags or other text utilizing the Petard trademarks or other trademarks displayed, is strictly prohibited without our express written consent.
Most works presented in this website are satire, parody, spoof and are completely fictitious.
We do not provide any warranty or guarantee as to the accuracy, timeliness, performance, completeness or suitability of the information and materials found or offered on this website for any particular purpose. You acknowledge that such information and materials may contain inaccuracies or errors and we expressly exclude liability for any such inaccuracies or errors to the fullest extent permitted by law.
The copyright of any published material belongs to the author.
Your use of any information or materials on this website is entirely at your own risk, for which we shall not be liable. It shall be your own responsibility to ensure that any products, services or information available through this website meet your specific requirements.
Petard will not be held responsible for any loss or damage to work stored in our system. However, all attempts will be made to ensure that any loss or damage is limited.
Unauthorized use of this website may give rise to a claim for damages and/or be a criminal offense.
Advertising and Links
From time to time this website may also include links to other websites. These links are provided for your convenience to provide further information. They do not signify that we endorse the website(s). We have no responsibility for the content of the linked website(s).
You must not use the website in any way that causes or is likely to cause the website or access to it to be interrupted, damaged or impaired in any way. You understand that you are solely responsible for all electronic communications and contents sent from your computer to us. You must use the website for lawful purposes only. You must not use the website for any of the following:
• For fraudulent purposes or in connection with a criminal offence or otherwise carry out any unlawful activity;
• To send, use or re-use any material that is illegal, overly offensive, abusive, indecent, harmful, overly defamatory, overly obscene or menacing, racist, abusive, threatening, invasive of privacy, in breach of confidence, infringes any intellectual property rights, or which consists of or contains software viruses, trojan horses, worms, time bombs, keystroke loggers, spyware, adware or any other harmful or similar computer code designed to adversely affect the operation of any computer software or hardware, political campaigning, commercial solicitation, chain letters, mass mailings or any spam. It is at the discretion of Petard to decide which information contravenes this rule, and your work may as a result be edited or deleted;
• To cause annoyance, inconvenience or needless anxiety;
It is at the discretion of Petard to decide which information contravenes these terms, and any submissions to the websites may as a result be edited or deleted.
If you wish to contact us, please contact us directly: firstname.lastname@example.org
© 2018 Petard LLC