Canada Building Wall to Keep Out Fleeing Americans

Canada Building Wall to Keep Out Fleeing Americans

4000-Mile Barrier to be Made of Hockey Sticks Cemented with Maple Syrup

Overwhelmed with the flood of disgruntled Americans seeking a new northern home, Canada’s Minister of Foreign Affairs today announced a plan to slow it down. A coast-to-coast barrier. “Lots of you Americans can’t stand new people coming into your country,” explained a Toronto cabbie. “And lots of you can’t stand the people who feel that way. So everybody’s comin’ up here.” That all ends today.

Mexico Approves Funding for Human Catapults over Proposed U.S. Border Wall

Mexico Approves Funding for Human Catapults over Proposed U.S. Border Wall

Mexico has allocated 200 million pesos to build a series of human catapults along the U.S./Mexico border. Designed by Carlos and Juanita Vasquez, the winners of a year-long design contest sponsored by the Mexican government, the devices will send riders over the border equipped with parachutes to land safely. The Defense Department has denied reports it is developing supercapacitors to produce force fields to counter the new technology.