Micro-Diet Craze offers 10-Course Meals for 100 Calories

Micro-Diet Craze offers 10-Course Meals for 100 Calories

Throw away your scale. And grab your mini-fork and spoon. Now you every meal is a feast as mini-diets sweep the country. Using the latest micro-technology, food scientists are finding new ways to create more courses for less calories. “All I needed was a pair of reading glasses,” explained Alice B. of Topeka, Kansas. “Now I can eat as much as I want, whenever I want.”

U.S. Announces National Cellphone Amnesty Day

U.S. Announces National Cellphone Amnesty Day

Americans Can Turn in Their Phones and Enter Tech Rehab Facilities

Responding to the alarming increase in phone addiction across the country, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services will be sponsoring National Cellphone Amnesty Day on December 3, 2018. Citizens who turn in their phones will be entitled to enter a free 30-day rehab facility of their choosing. Ongoing counseling and medication will also be available.

Therapists Report Increase in Depression among Unhacked Web Users

Therapists Report Increase in Depression among Unhacked Web Users

While most people complain about being hacked, an increasing number of unhacked people are feeling alienated and ignored. “Nobody seems to want my personal information,” laments one psychologist’s patient. “I’ve spent a lifetime creating servers full of data. And nobody cares.” Support groups for the unhacked report a 300% increase in membership.

Brand new twosie diet is a real doozy

Brand new twosie diet is a real doozy

Reports of rapid-weight loss are fueling trial of The Twosie Diet. For $99, you can rent a two-year-old toddler for two weeks. Then chase him or her around the house—and watch the pounds fall off. While some users report numerous falls from tripping over scattered toys, this is one diet that actually seems to work. Daily steps goals? No prob.