Hershey® Swamped with Orders for Chocolate Floatation Tanks

Worried Americans Seeking Cocoa-Filled Isolation to Wait Out Virus

“We can’t keep up with the demand for these new isolation tanks,” a Hershey spokesperson explained. “When people are stressed, they want chocolate.”

“For the foreseeable future, I plan to wait this thing out soaking in chocolate bliss,” explained Hector L. of Seattle, Washington. “Just hope my Kindle® doesn’t run out of juice.”