Commuters across America were stunned to see their car windshields coated with falling bird poop yesterday. A group calling itself the “Eye in the Sky” is protesting the nationwide destruction of woodlands and bird preserves. Unnamed sources claim the Pentagon is negotiating with this eco-group to purchase it’s advanced technology
Amazed residents of a northern New Mexico town awoke to find their homes and cars coated with a layer of steaming nacho cheese. “She was due to blow sooner or later,” explained one long-time resident, as flying jalapenos sent many townsfolk ducking for cover. “Guess I’ll be takin’ cheese sandwiches to work for a while.”
Citing vulnerability to hacking and frequent recounts, the U.S. is moving to a simpler system. “We may never simplify the tax system,” explained one Congresswoman. “But at least we can dumb this thing down.” Primary candidates will compete in best two-out-of-three. November candidates will make it best four-out-of-seven. Consulting firms specializing in game theory should be quite busy.
After monitoring transmissions for 10 years, Jnzzzzzz Xyqqqqqq, an astronomer from the planet GHNZXD, confirmed there is, indeed, life on earth. “We thought an algorithm was creating Earth’s audio track.” But when we heard that sweet reggae music, we knew a bot could not create that.