Secret Amazon® Shipping Tunnel thru Earth Revealed

System of Crack-Fueled Moles Speeds Cargo from China to Warehouses

Two local teens from Salina, Kansas may have unearthed the secret of Amazon’s speedy delivery of international goods. “We spotted two moles wearing smiley-face backpacks scurrying out of a big hole behind the 7-Eleven,” explained Kyle S. “Jake and I grabbed some Slim Jim’s® and went exploring. Wound up in some place called Shenzhen.” The ASPCA has filed a $100 billion lawsuit against Amazon for animal cruelty.