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Volume CVI No. 68
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  • Breaking Wind
  • Business

Black Friday Canceled Due to Lack of Interest

Black Friday Canceled Due to Lack of Interest

Consumers across America have decided to shun shopping and stay home this year. “I ate so much I may hibernate all winter,” explained one bloated Thanksgiving survivor.” No way I’m standing in the freezing cold at 4am to save 80% on some espresso-latte maker thing. Retail stocks are expected to take a major hit when the market opens.

[pi•tahrd] 1. an explosive device formerly used in warfare

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