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Volume CVI No. 68
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Portland, Oregon Maple Tree Accuses Local Resident of Inappropriate Hugging

Portland, Oregon Maple Tree Accuses Local Resident of Inappropriate Hugging

An attorney representing a Portland, Oregon bigleaf maple has filed suit in district court charging a local hiker with inappropriate hugging and sexual overtures. Speaking through a lawyer, the embarrassed plant said, “He had his organic peanut butter-covered hands all over me. Yuck.”

[pi•tahrd] 1. an explosive device formerly used in warfare

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