Health Archives - Page 2 of 2

Operation® Game to Replace U.S. Healthcare System

Classic board game to be delivered to millions of homes to aid do-it-yourself diagnoses.

Soon you’ll be able to diagnose and treat yourself without wasting hundreds of hours on hold or in crowded doctors’ offices and hospitals. A few minutes with the Operation game and you’ll get right to the heart of the problem. Talk about affordable care!

U.S. Announces National Cellphone Amnesty Day

Americans Can Turn in Their Phones and Enter Tech Rehab Facilities

Responding to the alarming increase in phone addiction across the country, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services will be sponsoring National Cellphone Amnesty Day on December 3, 2018. Citizens who turn in their phones will be entitled to enter a free 30-day rehab facility of their choosing. Ongoing counseling and medication will also be available.

Airlines Training Therapy Dogs to Help Stressed Pilots Fly Planes

Major Carriers to Leave the Flying to the Greyhounds

“People don’t realize how crazy it is up there,” explained one pilot. “Crowded skies, crazy passengers, impossible schedules. With a lab or a St. Bernard as my co-pilot, I can finally chill out. And let her stick the landing.”

Health

Therapists Report Increase in Depression among Unhacked Web Users

While most people complain about being hacked, an increasing number of unhacked people are feeling alienated and ignored. “Nobody seems to want my personal information,” laments one psychologist’s patient. “I’ve spent a lifetime creating servers full of data. And nobody cares.” Support groups for the unhacked report a 300% increase in membership.

Health

Brand new twosie diet is a real doozy

Reports of rapid-weight loss are fueling trial of The Twosie Diet. For $99, you can rent a two-year-old toddler for two weeks. Then chase him or her around the house—and watch the pounds fall off. While some users report numerous falls from tripping over scattered toys, this is one diet that actually seems to work. Daily steps goals? No prob.

Health

Woman’s Skin Turns Into Candy-Coated Shell Overnight

“Too many years of sweet treats, I guess,” said an amazed Rachel B. of Dagaro, Mississippi. One night my skin looked like the same old same old. And the next morning it was candy city from head to toe. Now when I get a sweet tooth, I can just lick my arm.”