Canada Building Wall to Keep Out Fleeing Americans

4000-Mile Barrier to be Made of Hockey Sticks Cemented with Maple Syrup

Overwhelmed with the flood of disgruntled Americans seeking a new northern home, Canada’s Minister of Foreign Affairs today announced a plan to slow it down. A coast-to-coast barrier. “Lots of you Americans can’t stand new people coming into your country,” explained a Toronto cabbie. “And lots of you can’t stand the people who feel that way. So everybody’s comin’ up here.” That all ends today.